BOLLYWOOD

This one has to go down as the biggest disaster of the year. It is sure to sink without a trace.

There is no substance, there is no script and the dialogues are juvenile and crass to the core. Sample this: Akshay Kumar tells a girl, "Let me ride you." The only twist in the plot (if you can call it one) is so loud that the director is almost shouting it out. When this excursion ends, you almost sigh in relief!

The quality of the acting is what you would put up in a school play. Akshay Kumar is always dressed like a bandmaster, Sanjay Dutt is left to find his left foot as he struggles to groove to the beat (where was the choreographer?) and Lara Dutta is busy changing into stylish two-piece suits (the skimpy ones) to get underwater. If she is not in her swimming attire, she is busy shaking her body like a girl lost in a pub. As for Zayed Khan, he gives one the feeling that he is hanging around with a bunch of his school buddies. Oh yes, somewhere along the way Katrina Kaif also shows up with Rahul Dev. There's also Kylie Minogue. Did she know what she was getting into? I'm sure, she too is feeling blue!

BLUE is a picnic in the Bahamas for the cast and crew. I guess director Anthony D'Souza told the cast, "Just get in front of the camera and do whatever you want." All four are very unconvincing and you can even see them squirm in some scenes. Sanjay Dutt, I'm sure, will be hiding his face in his hands if he ever watches this film in its complete state. Never has he ever been so bored in a role.

The first hour is a drag, the following is even worse. The first scene itself is an indication of what is in store. Dutt and Akshay play with a shark! No, in fact they are shooing it away from their net! However, you wait patiently because the promos have been convincing. They then get into the boxing ring. There is no respite. From here, it moves from one weird scene to another.

As for the story, go figure it out. I'm still trying to figure out what was in the bag that cost 50 million dollars. Worse, I can't for the life of me fathom why Zayed Khan did not look into the bag, the size of a lap top case, which Rahul Dev gave him to deliver to another person for a fee of 50,000 Dollars.

My advice would be to save the money for some Diwali shopping.